I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
