Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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