I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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