Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
