I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize