The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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