Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize