how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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