The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
