all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
