I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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