Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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