I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
