Im at strip club and am horny
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Please, let me fuck your mom
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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