Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
