Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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