My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
