I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
