Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
