Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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