White coat. Heels.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
