I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
