3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
