I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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