it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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