i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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