After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
