PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
time to smoke my breakfast
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
