Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
