Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
