I can text with my tongue
someone owes me an orgasm
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And my parents said I crawled through the house
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
