I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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