I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
