This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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