he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
