There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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