My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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