he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
