his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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