just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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