I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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