I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
