I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
