Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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