remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
