You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
