I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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