I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
