Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
