I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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