so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
