so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize