I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
