Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
