I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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