i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
