I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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