To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
