Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need a beard to bite.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
