the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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