Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
