so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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