i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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