just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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