I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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