for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
