Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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