i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
