guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
