Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
