Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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