The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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