I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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